57cm

Picking up a dude in a bar is like shopping at a flea market. What you score may be cheap and ultimately useless, but the experienced shopper will put at least a tiny bit of thought into an item before taking it home.

I view bar bathrooms as a fitting room for trying on a potential pairing, an important step before making that one-night commitment. Frenching is a must, and I encourage finger banging to establish his skill level. Truthfully, what I’m really interested in is a look at his D. I gotta know there are no rashes, blisters, or other deformities, and I have to make sure that he can actually get and maintain a boner, no matter the amount of drugs or booze we’ve ingested.

Recently, I began writing down the names of NYC bars whose bathrooms I’ve fucked, sucked, or got fingered in. I was shocked to find that in 12 pt font, the list is longer than any D that’s ever existed. I decided to put my evil powers to good use and help out mah gurls, so every Friday I’m gonna post a review of a different bar bathroom, in case you’re planning on a meetin’ in the ladies room with a D this weekend.

First up is Williamsburg's Union Pool, where I’ve gotten more ass than the toilet seats have.